From “Niceocancer” by Arie Lanahan

This was inspired by a conversation about niceomancers, in which I accidentally typoed Mancer as Cancer. Then this magestic prose was born.

Excerpts From Nonexistent Books

“Oh, don’t worry about this, it’s just niceocancer,” she said with a gentle pat on her bosom. “We’ve all got it here in the Nice Ward.”

“Well, I was hoping to break it to you more gently than that, but yes,” said Dr. Hawkins. “You’ve got niceocancer, Sally, as Missy says.”

“I am 1000% sure you just made that up,” Sally said. “I am seriously considering changing healthcare providers.”

“Oh, it’s quite real. Beneficial, even! Niceocancer is the rare positive form of cancer, and it results in you simply growing a spare organ.”

“Uh huh, yeah, right,” Sally said. “Can I know what my other in-network care options are? Maybe someone who doesn’t add a third latex boob to someone in the cancer ward?”

“I understand your skepticism, really, I do,” Dr. Hawkins said. “Here, meet some of the others. This is the largest niceocancer ward in the country after…

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Published by Alana Tedmon

Hi! My name is Alana Tedmon and I'm a freelance illustrator, D&D nerd and writing hobbyist. I created this blog to share some stories from my life that my friends have encouraged me to write. Stick around and enjoy!

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